


Means Nothing

by z0mbieshake



Series: Three Rules Broken [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brainwashing, M/M, Post-Betrayal, Regret, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 13:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5745718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/z0mbieshake/pseuds/z0mbieshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter cursed Felix to fall in love with him again after breaking his heart to pieces. Peter comes to regret this decision.</p><p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2445740">All the Power in the World</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Means Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I had a spontaneous urge to write a sequel to a two-year old fic and now here it is. Thank you to Sporklift for reading this over for me!

_"I want to go home. I want my mom."_

_Those words should have never come from his most beloved lost boy's mouth. Peter turned, heartbroken when he saw Felix sobbing into his knees, yanking at the cage, scratching at his own throat when nothing would give. He wailed uncontrollably, the agony of being slain by his beloved finally bleeding through._

_Peter reached for the bars, flinching every time Felix would pierce his hands or crack his nails trying to scrape out from the wicker cage. It was at this moment Peter realized that he'd never see Felix smile ever again, "Felix," He murmured, grabbing the bars and shaking them, trying to pull Felix out from his hysteria but somehow making it worse, "I'll do anything. I'll fix everything. Just_ please _don't cry anymore."_

_He couldn't hear him over his screaming. Felix curled up against the wicker, sobbing till his voice was hoarse, clutching at his arms because no one else on this wretched island could give him comfort._

_Peter's fingers were shaking as he untied the lock. Ironic how all the power in the world was at his fingertips and he was trembling like a frightened child. He pulled the gates open, breath shallow when he realized Felix didn't even try to escape. There was nowhere for him to go; at least the cage was safe. Peter crawled in, hands taking Felix's wrists and pulling them forward. His flesh was raw, bloodied, and Peter quickly healed them before Felix pulled away and cried harder._

_Felix wanted to die. Peter broke him so badly that he'd rather die than live knowing that the one person he swore his heart and soul to would kill him for personal gain._

_Despite how unworthy he was, Peter pulled Felix into his arms anyway, holding the boy against his shoulder and letting him make a mess of it, tears, mucus, and spittle dribbling down his face. Peter could do little else. He sat there in the cage, Felix against his chest, wrapped up in his arms. He stroked his hair gently, trying to remember all the things Felix loved when they were in bed. No matter what Peter tried, Felix only managed to cry harder._

_The only thing that managed to lessen Felix's tears was exhaustion. The two had sat there for hours, legs numb from the position, and Felix finally quieted his cries, simply whimpering and gasping against Pan's thoroughly soaked tunic. His fingers trembled from where they gripped into the ratty green fabric. Peter took them into his hands and kissed them, trying to quell them and only managing to make Felix curl his fingers and tuck them under his body._

_"I'm going to take you back to the treehouse to rest," Peter whispered into Felix's hair, "I'll lay you down in the bed, start up the fireplace, leave you some food, and then I'll shut the door. I promise I will never go in. It'll be your treehouse and only yours. Alright?"_

_Felix didn't respond but Peter didn't wait. He lifted Felix into his arms and whisked him away._

_The treehouse burned to the ground the next day._

 

Eyes snapping open, the smell of burning wood and _flesh_ faded, Peter's eyes flickered around, examining the furnishings in his treehouse. The furs, the desk, the fireplace, everything was in order even though Pan had to reconstruct this from memory. He lifted himself from the bed, looking down at the lanky form curled up beside him.

 _A gentle stroke through his hair, a caress behind his ears, a light pat to his cheek_ , Peter followed his movements carefully, weaving through Felix's golden hair before lightly scratching behind his ear like a cat. Felix hummed at the motion, lips twisting upwards slightly before stilling himself when Peter pat his cheek.

Silver eyes opened, staring up at Peter pleasantly, "Can't sleep?"

Peter smiled back unconsciously, "Mm," He lowered himself back on the bed, eyes locked with Felix's the entire time, "Just thinking."

"Careful, you might hurt yourself again," Felix whispered, snickering when Peter punched his arm lightly. Felix shifted closer in bed, wrapping one arm around Peter's torso and pressing their bodies together, tucking Peter's head against his chest, "Maybe this will help."

Eyes half-lidded, absent smile on his lips, Peter returned the embraced and relaxed, "It does."

Seconds later, Felix had already fallen back asleep. Peter was still awake, unable to shut his eyes, fearing that he'd see _Felix's charred corpse_ _still flickering with flames_ , laying on the bed beside him.

 

Pan wondered if Felix was screaming on the inside. The boy was absently poking at the firepit with a stick while cooking salmon over it, two filets for each of them. Peter wondered if Felix was still suffering, forced to smile and feel affection while a torrent ravaged him inside. He sighed, fidgeting with the cup of milk in his hands.

"Felix, if you ever want anything, just ask, okay?" Peter called out, "Anything you want. A new ship, a new island, just tell me and it's yours."

Felix nodded to him, "Nothing comes to mind. All I ever wanted was _you_ ," Peter was stunned but not for the reason Felix believed. The former Lost Boy leader pondered briefly, humming before turning to Pan with a suggestion, "Do you think we should fill the camp up with Lost Boys again?" Felix asked absently, "Would be nice to have some more company."

Peter looked to Felix, wondering what he should say. He brought the Lost Boys to the island to amuse himself, distract him from his impending doom. Now that death was no longer a factor, Pan had little use for distractions. All he wanted was _Felix_ and he wanted Felix to feel the same.

"We've spent so long sharing the island with other boys, it's due time you and I get to have some alone time," Pan replied, lighting up when Felix smiled to him, "But if you want some Lost Boys, I can go find some."

"No, you're right," Felix said, flipping the filet before sitting back, "We've got all the time in the world together. I want to cherish that," He looked to Pan, the slightest blush on his face. His smile was heavenly, "When there were boys around, we always had to save face. Without them, I can say whatever I want without them laughing at me," He opened his mouth and Pan wanted to cover his ears and scream, " _I love you_."

_"If you keep ignoring me, I'll make you love me with magic."_

Fingers trembling, Peter whispered, "I love you too."

Always too attentive, Felix immediately took the filets off the fire and approached Pan, "Are you okay? You've been shaking a lot."

Why was he so kind to him? Peter couldn't keep up the façade when Felix held his hands, "Why don't you hate me?" He finally blurted out.

"Why would I?" Felix asked back, brows knitted together in confusion.

"I killed you," Peter said, noticing how Felix's kind expression faltered briefly, "I tore out your heart and crushed it to dust."

This was what Pan wanted. Felix's lip trembled, his gaze tore away, his true feelings cycling through his head, bleeding through Pan's curse, "I was the thing you loved most," Felix murmured, eyes empty, "It destroyed me when you tore out my heart. It didn't hurt much but _it was you_ , of all people, crushing my heart into dust. I…I gave you everything I ever had and all I wanted was to be with you forever. And then you just…" He faded, releasing Pan's hands.

Pan could see it, storm clouds behind Felix's smoky eyes. Felix stood, walking away from the firepit with his hands on his elbows, clutching himself tightly. Pan followed, waiting for Felix to keep going, to condemn Pan just as he deserved.

"But, you brought me back."

Peter's breath halted; his heart stopped. Felix didn't face him but his posture relaxed.

Felix looked to him, a kind smile on his face, "I know I was _confused_ when you brought me back and I said some horrible things but I see now. You really do love me."

"Why? What made you see?" Pan pressed, still staring into Felix's back.

"Just standing at that well, I just _knew_ ," He whispered, a smile in his voice, "I knew you'd never hurt me anymore. I trusted you again," He turned around, the softness in his face nearly bringing Peter to tears, "I should've known you'd bring me back. Peter Pan never fails."

Peter shut his eyes. Felix deserved to know the truth, "I wasn't going to."

Felix didn't look confused. Pan figured Felix must've assumed he was joking.

"After I took over Storybrooke, I'd have an eternity again," Pan said, "I would've used that time to find someone to replace you. Then as the years passed, you would've faded from my memory," The smile on Felix's lips faded, "I only brought you back to life because it became convenient when I joined forces with Jafar."

"Y-You're…" Felix muttered quickly, "You're kidding," He tried to smile but found Peter's flat expression too difficult to look at, "Why would you say that to me?"

Pan hung his head, unable to return to that careful peace his willing ignorance gave him. Accepting Felix's fabricated affection was no longer possible, "Because I want to know how much of you is left."

Felix was too painful to look at. His eyes were round and blurring with tears, his jaw hanging and trembling. Felix could not focus on anything, head flickering around absently. His breathing became loud, quick, the air was too cold, "I-I have to go," He muttered quickly, backing away from Pan and walking into the trees.

Again, Pan hurt Felix for no good reason. He really couldn't keep a single promise. He sat by the firepit, raking a hand through his hair, wishing things were different, wishing Felix forgave him so he wouldn't have to make the boy suffer like this. Pan knew he could break the curse, revert Felix back to his true self, but he knew if he did, Felix would suffer a whole new betrayal and heartbreak. His final promise broken by Pan in the most terrible way.

"Felix!" Pan shouted, running through the trees, catching the tall boy following one of the patrol paths, "Felix, wait!" He said, running up to the boy and cutting him off.

Pan could see it in Felix's face: Pain, hatred, the logical parts of him putting the pieces together and trying to hate Pan but failing when _Pan's magic_ overrode his thoughts. When the words finally reached Felix's lips, they were so thoroughly poisoned by Pan's influence that he didn't even sound like Felix anymore, "Did I do something wrong?"

Pan was awestruck.

"Is that why you're punishing me?"

"No!" Pan shouted, grabbing at the front of Felix's cloak, struggling to find the words, "You did nothing wrong. You never do anything wrong," He threw his arms around Felix, crushing him in his embrace, "I was making a bad joke. I didn't mean any of it, I swear. I could never replace you. _I love you_ and I always-" He paused, looking up from Felix's chest when he felt a hand carding through his hair, playing with the soft curls behind his ear.

Felix was smiling down at him, reaching up to wipe away tears that Peter hadn't even realized were there, "Don't cry."

At the comfort Pan didn't deserve, all he could do was cry harder, gripping into Felix's cloak and screaming at himself, condemning his weakness. Without his magic, Peter had nothing. Without his magic, Felix was miserable, weary, and suicidal. Without his magic, Felix would rather burn himself alive and suffocate on smoke than let Pan take care of him. Without his magic, _he was all alone._

The more Felix stroked his hair and kissed away his tears, the more Pan wanted to rip his own heart out and crush it to dust.

 

One day, when Pan was feeling uncharacteristically brave and generous, he lifted the curse he placed on Felix. Both of them were sitting in his treehouse, Pan on a stool while Felix was sitting on the edge of the bed. On a whim, in the middle of an utterly banal conversation, Pan lifted his hand and canceled his magic. His Lost Boy shuddered, shutting his eyes as an uncomfortable silence filled the air.

Pan nearly called out when Felix opened his eyes, foolishly imagining a smile on his face and the same chipper tone he had before. Instead, Felix's brow knit together, his lip quivered. He dropped his shoulder, clutching into his knees and whining pathetically as he crushed his eyes shut.

Seconds later, Felix's gaze flickered onto Pan, filled with hatred. He gnashed his teeth together, bared them like a wild animal, clawing into his clothes until he thought he'd draw his own blood.

A few seconds more and there was nothing. The anger faded quickly, replaced with nothingness, "Do whatever you want," He muttered, unfocused and weary.

"I made a mistake," Peter said for the umpteenth time, "Let me fix this. I can take away the bad memories, make it just like it used to be before Henry, before any of this."

"Take me apart. Throw away the bits you don't like. I can't stop you," Felix whispered, hands clasped together.

"Felix…" Peter murmured, "Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you. I'll do anything you ask. Anything to make you happy."

"There's nothing I want," Felix murmured, eyes downcast, his body eerily still.

"I'll give you Neverland! I'll give you anything!" Pan exclaimed, standing up, heartbroken by how empty Felix had become without his magic forcing him to smile.

Felix remained quiet.

"Don't do this, Felix, please!" Peter whined, falling to his knees, begging Felix not to shut him out, "Tell me how to fix this."

Felix remained still.

"What is it you want me to do? Say something!"

Felix remained silent.

Was there anything even left in Felix? He backed off, waving his hands and filling Felix with false affection and dedication. Eyes filled with warmth, Felix smiled to Pan, "All I want is you."

 

Smearing kisses all over his chest, Peter lowered Felix onto the bed, hands groping him all over. Felix returned the affection, yanking him down by his hair, ruining his lips with a hungry kiss.

_He's happier like this._

Peter smiled, staring into Felix's eyes and seeing nothing but emptiness looking back. He lowered his gaze, focusing all of his attention on Felix's pale neck. The skin was as sweet as it always was. Felix hummed, knees coming up, trapping Peter between them.

_This is better for him._

Licking his lips, Peter smoothed his hand down Felix's thigh, grabbing his ass and squeezing it with one hand while his other hand remained on his chest, teasing Felix's left nipple. Felix was shuddering under him, groaning with pleasure. With no one on the island but them, Felix no longer felt any obligation to hold back his voice.

_I did a good thing. He would have never been happy if I didn't do this._

Both of them threw their heads back and groaned as Peter ground his hips forward, rubbing their half hard cocks together, a slow, pleasurable heat building between them. He released Felix's flesh, both hands coming up to clutch the backboard before lowering himself to meet Felix's lips.

_If he just forgave me, he'd be happier. I can love him properly now, give him anything he wanted_

Peter circled his hands around Felix's cock, one jerking up and down the shaft while the other teased with the head, thumbing at the slit continuously. His head flickered up when Felix moaned, lips turned up and laughing with a hollow voice.

_But what I did was unforgivable._

Peter continued on, feeling Felix's legs cross themselves behind his back, pulling him in. One hand lifted from Felix's erection, planting itself next to Felix's head before Peter lowered himself and pressed another kiss to Felix's lips.

_He begged me not to kill him._

Felix's hands were scratching lines down his back, the pleasurable pain Peter always enjoyed all those centuries ago. He groaned huskily into Felix's lips, claiming his mouth by plunging his tongue past Felix's lips, tangling and tasting him like his life depended on it.

_He begged me to let him die._

Felix's hands ended in his hair, pulling him in close, desperate for Peter inside of him. He gasped when he felt Peter lining himself up, the head of his cock white hot against his ass.

_He begged me not to make him love me with magic._

Peter shared Felix's dead smile, memorizing the curves of Felix's body as his hands came down his body to take hold of his hips. He lifted himself onto his knees, shuddering at the sight of Felix's pale skin flushed with embarrassment, his face softened by pleasure.

_I did it anyway._

Peter's hands trembled. Felix's brow furrowed, "Peter?"

Peter drew back, pawing at his eyes pathetically, bawling like a child, "I'm sorry," He gasped out, "I'm so sorry," He dropped himself onto Felix' chest, sobbing his apologies till his voice was hoarse. Before Felix could question his behaviour, Pan lifted his hand and released the curse once more.

 

Last time he was at the Well of Wonders, the place was a ruin but was still recognizable, remnants of greenery and décor present. Now there was nothing but a barren wasteland, ruins resembling artless constructs rather than dilapidated architecture. Peter looked to the scepter in his hand and wondered what Jafar had achieved. Jafar was a sociopath, a megalomaniac hell-bent on conquest. With so much power in his hands, Peter could only imagine that he'd ravaged multiple worlds by now. Pan had no such ambition; all he wanted was to stay on Neverland with Felix forever.

He held Felix's wrist with his other hand, pulling him over to the pit of water in the ground. Despite the desolate wasteland all around, the water still looked quite clean, protected by its magical properties. Peter looked to Felix, smoothing out the brand new cloak he had given him, fixing the shiny new dagger on his belt, ending with a gentle palm against his cheek.

Peter smiled to him and expected no such affection back. Felix's pain would finally end and quite frankly, that was all Peter wanted right now. He released Felix's cheek, leaving the catatonic boy behind as he approached the well with the snake scepter in hand.

"Wait."

The voice paralyzed him. Peter turned, seeing Felix staring at him, _awake_ , "What is it?" He said, trying not to abandon his goals and tackle Felix into the dirt for finally waking up.

Felix watched him closely, didn't know what to say. He blinked once, pausing for more than a minute before continuing, "You'll die."

Peter wanted to believe this was concern, "I know," He held the scepter with both hands, staring over the well, "It's for the best," Ironic how Pan was so desperate to extend his life that he'd sell out his son, great-grandson, and his lover yet his end would be by his own hands, "All the power in the world means nothing without your happiness," He said sincerely.

The silence between them is maddening but Peter had grown used to it. Moments later, Felix's lips turned up slightly, Pan's heart pounding at the sight, "Thank you," Felix whispered, smiling from his heart once more. Peter hadn't seen such a beautiful smile since the day he killed Felix in Storybrooke.

Peter lifted his hand, beckoning Felix closer, "May I?" He gestured to Felix's hand, touched when Felix gently lowered his fingers onto Peter's palm. Their hands joined together, Peter walked them both over to the edge of the well.

Peter's fingers are shaking. He's terrified as he always was of death. He closed his palm, weaving his fingers in-between Felix's, his once lover letting him . Breathing in, filling himself with bravery, Peter dropped the scepter into the well.

Seconds later, an excruciating pain filled Peter's very soul. He cringed, crumpling in on himself. Felix could feel it too but he simply shut his eyes, already accustomed to the fleeting pain of his soul being ripped from his body. He felt Peter's hand tighten around his fingers, knuckles white as he collapsed. _Felix caught him before he fell._

One arm under his shoulders, his other hand still joined with Peter's, Felix remained close as Peter shuddered and convulsed in his arms, "F-Felix…" Peter whimpered. His death would come first, Neverland's contract once again broken and now furiously taking his life as payment. He was slipping away and from the gauntness in Felix's eyes and his rapidly paling complexion, he knew Felix had little time as well, "In the n-n-next world, I-I'll treat you right," His body was shaking uncontrollably and he wondered how Felix remained so still, "I'll f-find you. I swear."

Felix simply nodded, clutching Peter close.

His vision went first and Peter wanted to scream but found himself without a voice. He gasped, speaking in whispers that he couldn't hear, "I'm scared," Words only heard by Felix.

All Peter could feel as Felix's heat, clutching him so tightly that he thought they'd crumble into dust together. A gentle hand carded through his hair, weakening with every stroke, both of them lowering to the floor slowly.

"It'll be okay," Felix's voice cut through the murky darkness, "Everything will be okay."

Peter smiled at the reassurance, "I love you," He whispered to nothingness that filled his body with numbness.

"I love you t-"                                                                                                                                     


End file.
